This First Particular person column is written by Samuel Dunsiger, a profession coach and accessibility advocate in Ottawa. For extra details about CBC’s First Particular person tales, please see the FAQ.
As I browsed via the cereal aisle. I felt myself getting light-headed. The room was spinning and I reached out to place my hand on one of many inventory cabinets for help. I already had a basket stuffed with groceries, so I used to be attempting to encourage myself to push via it.
“Just a few extra objects,” I advised myself. “You bought this.”
Solely, I did not. The subsequent few moments have been hazy, however what I do know is that I fell and began convulsing.
After I lastly got here to, I used to be on the ground, surrounded by fellow grocery retailer patrons, clerks and the in-house pharmacist, who advised me, “You had a seizure.”
What had begun as my weekly grocery journey was a public — and quite unpredictable — power well being flare-up, coupled with a dose of embarrassment and anxiousness.
Public seizures
My grocery store convulsion is a manifestation of epilepsy, a neurological dysfunction which I used to be recognized with over 10 years in the past.
I had my first seizure in my 20s throughout a layover on the Minneapolis airport. My mother and father, my brother and I have been on our method to Miami to embark on a cruise and whereas we have been ready for our connecting flight, my arms began to jerk with uncontrollable muscle spasms.
After a couple of seconds, my legs began to maneuver as effectively and although I maintained consciousness, I fell to the bottom. My mother and father frantically known as the paramedics. I used to be rushed to the closest hospital the place they advised us it was a seizure.
Good factor my dad had bought journey insurance coverage.
After I obtained residence, I instantly went to a neurologist for checks, which got here again in line with epilepsy.
My new analysis was worrisome each for me and my mother and father.
At the moment, we did not know what it actually meant. How usually would I’ve seizures? The place? May I get harm? May others?
I took steps to handle it, together with happening remedy in addition to carrying a MedicAlert bracelet with my title, situation and emergency contact.
However, I used to be simply 26 years previous. I did not know if my epilepsy may have an effect on my plans to journey or stay independently?
Some folks with epilepsy have seizures as usually as day-after-day. A decade later, I’ve now had 4 seizures — one each few years.
Though I work to keep away from identified triggers that may immediate a seizure, corresponding to stress, sleep deprivation or alcohol consumption, the timing of my seizures remains to be unpredictable.
Additionally, their location — although all of mine have occurred in public areas — from Trinity-Bellwoods park in Toronto to my native grocery aisle in Ottawa.
Like an omnipresent darkish cloud that refuses to go away, the uncertainty of when my subsequent seizure will occur is all the time there.
Care package deal
After the pharmacist advised me what occurred, I felt the standard post-seizure signs of confusion, physique aches, chills and nausea. One of many clerks went to seize a blanket whereas the pharmacist gave me a heat smile as I lay within the fetal place.
“How are you feeling?” he requested. “Can we get you something?”
I shook my head, nonetheless feeling delirious coupled with emotions of embarrassment. Certain, I am an skilled in having epileptic episodes in public, however that does not imply it will get simpler.
What made it worse was imagining the scene they’d simply witnessed. Frightened faces checked out me. Eyes as large as golf balls. I by no means like being the centre of consideration, and when it is due to a power well being difficulty, it makes me really feel much more susceptible.
Along with epilepsy, I grew up with a stutter. My speech incapacity meant that I’ve all the time hated being the main focus of the group. But right here it was occurring once more.
Although the convulsions shortly stopped, as a pre-caution, my entourage determined to name 911.
“Nice,” I believed. “Extra witnesses to the Friday night seizure particular spectacle on the grocery retailer.”
The drama continued once I was ushered out of the shop on a stretcher. The pharmacist handed me a bit care package deal of bananas, granola bars and orange juice courtesy of the grocery store.
Although I might been via seizures sufficient occasions now to know I used to be possible OK, I went to the hospital simply in case to reassure my household. As anticipated, they launched me a couple of hours later.
The scene of the seizure
Over the following days, I felt groggy however bodily wonderful. However mentally, I felt embarrassed and unsure, and realized I used to be avoiding the shop just like the plague.
I knew I needed to return sooner or later. I imply, it was my nearest grocery store. So, every week later, I reluctantly returned to the scene, slowly getting into via the automated doorways once I heard somebody calling for me.
“I am so completely satisfied to see you!”
It was the shop clerk who had given me a blanket. To my shock, she proceeded to provide me a hug.
After I began to gather my groceries — this time, seizure-free — a couple of of the opposite clerks approached me. I even bumped into the pharmacist, who once more greeted me along with his heartwarming smile.
Having a power, hidden incapacity like epilepsy is fraught with anxiousness, uncertainty and misconceptions that I will probably be silently managing for all times.
However, the grocery store employees’s collective kindness — even with such tiny gestures as a smile — made navigating the world with epilepsy much more bearable.
For me, it was a small however really heartfelt reminder of the goodness on the earth, and what a distinction it could actually make, even when the particular person providing the kindness does not notice its full impression.
Do you’ve got a compelling private story that may convey understanding or assist others? We need to hear from you. Write to us at ottawafirstperson@cbc.ca.
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